Fake advertisement, but funny lol ... Christi  

A substitute for natural pregnancy...

--Author Unknown

A
substitute for natural pregnancy has been developed by Breed Bronson,
Inc., makers of Infantill formula and other baby products. The
YOUterus/Plus-centa unit was introduced in pharmacies and discount
stores nationwide today.

A company
representative explained the rationale for the product: "Many women
find it inconvenient to carry their fetuses and maintain a healthy food
supply for them for an entire nine months. Pregnancy changes their
figures, can interfere with job performance, and requires avoiding
drugs and junk food. And some men don't like to be reminded that female
sex organs don't exist solely for them."

After
a woman's fetus is implanted in a YOUterus/Plus-centa, the unit is
simply kept in contact with a body having a temperature of 98.6* F.
"But after the second trimester, " commented the representative, "the
fetus can maintain its own warmth. It can be left completely alone,
except for periodic refilling of the Plus-centa feeding solution."

When
asked if such technology would be an acceptable substitute for a
woman's experience of new life developing within her, the
representative stated: "We believe it will be fairly common for women
to carry their own babies the first few weeks, when the thrill of
motherhood is new. But soon, anyone experiencing nausea will be
referred to our product. Eventually, anyone appearing pregnant after 6
months will be considered a fanatic."

"Eventually
there will be psychologists, completely ignorant of the history of
human reproduction, who will state that after 6 months, natural
gestation is harmful to the fetus' independence."

All
preliminary research has indicated that artificially fed fetuses are
significantly less healthy than their naturally nourished counterparts.
The Breed Bronson representative commented: "The literature
accompanying the units will state that natural pregnancy is preferable.
But that won't affect sales. We'll spend millions on freebies to
obstetricians, and they'll convey to their patients that natural
pregnancy is not greatly important, just a matter of personal
preference."

"Through advertising
dollars, we'll also enlist the media. Television will present natural
pregnancy as abnormal by never showing it. 'Yes, we're expecting,' your
favorite sitcom character will say, 'our housekeeper is carrying the
baby right now.' Parents will come to believe that pregnancy,
especially in public, is immodest."

"In
natural pregnancy, only mom carries and nourishes the baby. With a
YOUterus/Plus-centa, dad, grandma and sitter will all have equal
access. We'll promote this idea that democracy, and not quality or
safety, is what is important in fetal feeding."

When
asked if the company was concerned about government regulation of a
product proven harmful to developing babies, the representative stated:
"Are you kidding? We project the government will buy one third of our
units to distribute to poor women."